


Technical Hitch

by JohnAmendAll



Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:58:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4886281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/pseuds/JohnAmendAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liz and Lucie, having saved the world, are confronted with another important decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Technical Hitch

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by seeing a meme prompt: 'Lucie + Liz, technical difficulties'. I misremembered it as 'technical hitch', and the fic grew from there.

It had been a long, eventful day, and showed no signs of getting any easier. Liz would have found a tree to lean against, or a stump to sit on, but the vegetation surrounding her consisted only of annoyingly prickly amber-leaved bushes. Both suns had dropped below the horizon, and there was a clammy feel to the air. 

"Hey!" Lucie said, forcing her way between the bushes. "Look what I found!" 

Liz looked up. "Berries," she said, flatly. 

"Better than nothing. Here, these are for you. I've already had my share." 

"So I see. They've turned your lips purple." 

"Really?" Lucie looked around, as if there might be a mirror hanging on a nearby tree. "Wish I still had my lipstick. Anyway, yours'll be purple too in a minute. Eat up." 

The berries had a sharp, unpleasant taste, and their juice stained mouth and hands. But Liz was sufficiently ravenous not to care, and had quickly eaten the lot. It didn't do much to compensate for the meals she'd missed, though. 

"Now what?" Lucie said. 

"I'm not sure." Liz brushed a few fragments of twig off her blouse. "We need to find out what happened to the people from the spaceship." 

"Load of hippies," Lucie grumbled. "Can't stand 'em. And those students on their 'gap yah' are even worse." 

"I know, but they're the only way we're getting off this planet and back to the TAR— what was that?" 

Lucie's expression had brightened. "Looked like a firework," she said. "Over there. That's got to be them." 

Another rocket shot up from the same area, exploding in a shower of golden meteors. Without further ado, Liz and Lucie made their way in that direction, struggling through the scrub without heed of further scratches or bruises. As they neared the source of the fireworks, the welcome light of a bonfire appeared between the bushes, with human figures silhouetted against it. 

While they were still freeing themselves from the last tangle of vegetation, a familiar, relaxed voice said "Hey." 

"Oh. Kella, it's you," Lucie said, her tone implying that she'd have been happier to see a Cyberman or an Ice Warrior. 

"Yeah, where have you been?" Kella raised a fuming vial to her nose and breathed in deeply. "No-one's seen you, like, all day." 

"We've been shutting down an illegal bioweapons lab," Liz said briefly. It was the truth, if not anything like the whole truth. 

"Really? Cool. I totally dig that activism stuff." Kella gave them another look. "And hey, you got married, too." 

"We what?" Lucie asked sharply. 

Kella pointed at Lucie's mouth. "You two've been at the sacred gonja berries, haven't you? I know what that means." 

"You mean eating those berries together constitutes a legal marriage here?" Liz asked. 

"Legal isn't important. It's what's in the heart that matters." 

"I'd still like to know." 

Kella thought about this. "Tell you what, I'll ask Thurn. He's doing law, he'll know." 

She inhaled once more from her vial, then ambled away in the direction of the bonfire. 

"D'you think we really are married?" Lucie asked. 

Liz spread her hands. "I don't know. It'd be just like Kella to get the wrong end of the stick. Or the wrong stick." 

"Hope we aren't." Lucie grimaced. "You're not my type. All legs and no heart." 

"If it comes to that, I'm not thrilled at the prospect of being united with a tiny bottle-blonde who considers loudness to be a proof of authenticity." 

"With your hair you've got no business saying anything about mine. If we were married, first thing I'd do is sort that hairdo out. And get you some proper clothes." 

"Then I'll hope even more fervently it doesn't come to that." 

"Yeah, me too." 

They waited in uncomfortable silence until Kella returned, accompanied by two of the student members of the party, who also had purple-stained lips. 

"Here we are," she said. "Another one of our happy couples. Guys, this is Thurn, and this is Deetal. Thurn, you're doing law, right?" 

"That's right," Thurn said. "What's the problem?" 

"Lucie gave me some gonja berries, and I ate them," Liz said. The sentence sounded exactly as feeble in her own ears as when she'd heard it in the story of Adam and Eve. "Does that mean we're married now?" 

Thurn nodded, with the self-confidence of one whose knowledge has only ever been tested in a mid-term exam. "Open and shut case. That's as good as it gets, on this world." 

"Bugger," Lucie said. 

"Terrific," Liz added, her tone indicating that it was nothing of the kind. 

"Look, is there any way to get it undone?" Lucie asked. "People must eat these things by mistake, right? Or just because they're hungry?" 

"I... I don't know. Off the top of my head," Thurn hastily added. "I'd have to consult my authorities." 

"I know," Deetal said. 

"You? How?" 

"Because I asked one of the shamen. Just in case." 

"Deets, you're not getting cold feet? Surely if you really loved me you wouldn't have needed to ask—" 

"Never mind that," Lucie broke in, before Thurn and Deetal's relationship could be explored any further. "You asked if people could get un-berried. What did this shaman bloke say?" 

Deetal leaned forward. "Yes, it's possible, but only if you haven't digested the berries. The shamen give you something to make you sick..." 

"How delightful," Liz said. 

"And after you've got rid of the berries you fast in a cave for two days. To purify yourselves." 

"Thank you." 

"Yeah, thanks," Lucie added. "Look, I think we need to talk this over, OK?" 

"No problem." Deetal patted her on the shoulder. "I think Thurn and I have to have a bit of a talk, too. See you at the wedding feast?" 

"Maybe," Liz said. 

Deetal took Thurn's arm, and walked away into the dusk. Kella looked uncertainly after them, then said "I'm sure it'll all work out for you guys. Catch you later, yeah?" and wandered away in a different direction. 

"Well, there's our answer," Liz said. "Purgatives and penance for two days. It could be worse." 

Lucie kicked at the ground. "It could?" 

"Of course it could. There might not be any way to get the marriage annulled. You'd be waking up next to me every morning." 

"Yeah, but..." 

"But what?" 

"We're married right now, aren't we? Technically." 

"That hardly seems the right adverb to use for eating berries in a bush." 

"It's the word I chose and if you don't like it, tough. Point is, they're just about to have a feast. For _married couples._ Right now, that includes us." 

Liz rubbed her temples. "You're seriously suggesting we stay married..." 

" _Technically_ married. You can keep your own name and everything." 

"How generous of you. But my point is that you're willing to commit us to whatever 'marriage' involves on this planet... for the sake of a good meal?" 

"Don't knock a good meal," Lucie said seriously. 

Liz's resistance was dissolving in the smell of cooking drifting their way. "All right," she said. "But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup plan. In case this feast involves... nontechnical aspects of marriage." 

"That one's easy." Lucie dismissed the scenario with a wave of her hand. "Eat and drink enough at the feast and we won't be in any state to muck about with each other." 

"Risky." Somehow, without any spoken agreement, the two had started walking in the direction of the feast. "Because you know what would happen if we got the dose wrong." 

Lucie nodded. "The beer goggles'd kick in, and before you know it we're waking up in the same sleeping bag." 

"I was thinking more of alcohol poisoning, but I think you've hit on the nightmare scenario." Liz squared her shoulders. "Well, we might as well go through with it, anyway. It can't be that bad." 

"'Can't be that bad,'" Lucie repeated. "That's probably the nicest thing you've said about me all day. Let's get it over with. And hope we don't find out how bad the sleeping bag thing'd be." 

Liz took her hand. "I'll certainly drink to that."


End file.
